Monday, July 16, 2012

I've Died and Gone to Heaven

Everyone has vices; I can proudly say that I don’t have many.  In fact I only have one: food.  Ok, I guess it’s a lot of vices if you really want to get technical, I love food but my favorite is Tasty Kakes.  While living in Philadelphia and going to Orthodontic/Periodontic School I discovered Tasty Kakes, an East Coast delight.  I only like the kakes distributed by Wawa with lemon pie filling.  My idea of a perfect desert is a Tasty Kake accompanied by a tall glass of Diet Coke. 

This has become a point of contention with the girls at work.  They are always on my case because of my less than stellar eating habits.  Drink water Dr. Jolley.  Spark is terrible for you.  Enough with the diet coke.  A snack?  Didn’t you just have lunch?  Once they even caught me singing “Fat” by Weird Al with a mouth full of Tasty Kakes.  It’s a never ending battle, but I know they are coming from a place of love. Or maybe they want to ensure their job will still be there in 10 years. Bottom line they don’t want me to croak at age 40 of a heart attack.

Since I live in Colorado getting a hold of a Tasty Kake is rare treat.  One of my assistants has family in West Virginia so when she goes back to visit she brings me some.  I usually eat them in a few days.  One day, like a gift from above, I found a few stuffed in the back of the break room.  I was elated.  The girls all tried to reason with me since they were expired.  Not wanting to them to judge me I simply took them home to eat in privacy.  I was on a health kick that week so I decided that if I ate one with a protein shake it would cancel out the calories.  Perfect plan!  Or so I thought.

The next day I had to work an hour away in Montrose.  About five minute outside of town I had that horrible familiar feeling gurgling in my lower intestines.  Shizma.  An hour away from home is not where you want to find out your “perfect plan” is extremely flawed. Especially when you have to share a bathroom with your patients.  Having to look a patient or their parent in they eye and tell them “do NOT go in there” as you are exiting the lavatory is more than embarrassing.  Having your staff sitting at the front desk mere feet from the bathroom texting you to see if you’re all right is mortifying.  But that all happened, all morning. 

After being sick all day I was relieved to be home.  Then I was faced with a decision: to eat or not to eat my last Tasty Kake.   Guess which one I chose.